Black Caps make light of the impossible
Unprecedented and near-unthinkable whitewash caps another crazy weekend.
Nothing about the 3-0 series victory in India makes sense.
(drops mic)
I should end it there and leave the stage, because that’s the last appearance of logic for a while.
But I can’t help myself.
(picks up mic)
I mean, what?!
I mean, how?!
You can explain away Bengaluru if you must with a freakish set of atmospheric conditions, but even that is unfair considering that Rohit Sharma won that toss and by the time New Zealand got to bat the wicket was still seasoned with enough spice for the likes of Jasprit Bumrah to get cooking. It’s fine to say that Matt Henry couldn’t have prepared a wicket more to suit him than which he found at M Chinnaswamy Stadium, but he has 105 test wickets at 30.8 and Bumrah has 173 at 20.6 — so advantage who, exactly?
So you instead pivot to the idea that Tom Latham and co caught the hosts on the hop, having hardened themselves on a tricky, fateful tour of Sri Lanka.
That argument holds no water in Pune, where curators scrubbed and scarred both ends of the wicket to exacerbate spinning conditions, and in the Mumbai furnace where the wicket was parched, spun from the start and never stopped. Winning the toss, as Latham did on both occasions, was an advantage, yes, but not the critical difference maker.
New Zealand outplayed India. Three times. They had better plans and executed them more efficiently. It doesn’t get any simpler than that. They outfought and outthought mighty India.
And yes, while it’s the perfect explanation for the unprecedented and frankly unimaginable 3-0 win, it still doesn’t make any sense.
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Not only did New Zealand beat India on a Wankhede bunsen-burner without the spinner who took 13 wickets in Pune, they did it with a spin attack that came into this test with a sum total of 167 wickets, as opposed to the hosts who wheeled out 861 wickets worth of finger spin.
I might have mentioned before: little about this makes any sense.
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Daryl Mitchell tried to explain it away.
“We’re just a bunch of Kiwis taking on the world, and very proud to represent our country,” Mitchell said. “We know how good India are — they’ve got a number of world-class players — and for us, it’s just [about] hanging in there, keep doing what Kiwis do.”
Yeah, it’s a lovely, slightly hokey sentiment that we can all cling to from Nightcaps to Ngataki, but it also undersells what this team did.
They didn’t just “hang in there”, they seized critical moments.
They did it by getting telling contributions from individuals at precisely the right time. If you round all the series statistics up and put them in one place, not a lot of Black Caps had great individual three-match series, but everyone did something to ensure New Zealand had a great collective series.
Tom Latham: Pulled all the right strings and played the ultimate captain’s knock in Pune, with his second-innings 86 the key batting contribution in the match.
Devon Conway: A gutsy 91 in Bengaluru, a stunning catch to dismiss Sarfaraz Khan at the same venue and 76 in Pune.
Will Young: Player of the series. Found consistency where no one else could with 33, 48*, 18, 23, 71 and 51. Caught well in close.
Rachin Ravindra: Stunning first test with 134 and 39* double. Scored 65 in the first dig at Pune.
Daryl Mitchell: Sucked up catches at first slip like a supercharged Dyson, scored a vital 82 in the Mumbai heat and never failed to reach double figures.
Tom Blundell: Even among the debris of a difficult series, he scored a crucial 41 in the second innings at Pune and kept exquisitely well on the last day at Mumbai.
Glenn Phillips: His 48* at Pune and six-heavy 26 with the tail in Mumbai moved the needle in his team’s favour, and he chipped in wickets (eight in total) in every innings he bowled.
Mitchell Santner: One of the all-time WTF moments in New Zealand sport. Played one test in the series, took 13 wickets and scored a valuable 33 first innings runs.
Matt Henry: Got the ball rolling with 5-15 in the first innings in Bengaluru and took Rohit’s wicket in both innings in Mumbai.
Tim Southee: Jaffa to Rohit started the procession in Bengaluru then slogged 65 runs to press home New Zealand’s advantage. Took series-winning catch on Pune boundary.
Ajaz Patel: Overshadowed by others until arrival in the city of his birth, where he took 11 wickets and bowled his team to victory on the last day.
Will O’Rourke: Poor bugger spent the majority of the second and third tests wandering around the outfield, but his seven wickets in Bengaluru more than justified his food bill.
Ish Sodhi: Barely used in his only test in Mumbai, but dismissed danger man Rishabh Pant (60) in the first innings.
It’s only when you break the tests down to their constituent parts and see how freakishly well-timed the individual interventions were, that this result starts to make any semblance of sense.
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It feels tawdry to talk of such things right now, but Gary Stead and Latham will need to get a little creative to shoehorn player of the series Young into the playing XI for the first test against England in Christchurch, starting November 28.
Young had a series that doesn’t look eye-popping on paper — 244 runs at 48.8 — but these tests were not played on paper, but on devilish, unfamiliar combinations of clay and grass.
He had batted nicely in the first and second tests, but Wankhede was a coming-of-age moment, adding 51 vital second innings runs to the 71 he made in oppressive heat in the first, alongside Mitchell.
Several times the likes of Sunil Gavaskar, who could bat a bit, and Ravi Shastri made note of the calmness he brought to proceedings and his unfussy technique that looked suited to all conditions. When asked about his apparent imperturbability, Young likened himself to a duck, calm on the surface but paddling furiously underneath.
So what now? He’s not getting No 3 with Kane Williamson, he of 32 test centuries, set to return for the England series, so in one direction or another, Young is going to have to shift. He must hope it is not all the way down to No 12.
Young is not an opener. He has given that an honest attempt, even shifting there in first-class cricket, but a test average of 22 at the top and 43 anywhere else tells a persuasive story. Some batters, no matter how capable, are born without the opening gene, and Young appears to be one of them. Anyway, with Latham the skipper and Conway returning to form, there are no spots there.
Three is taken and there has to be room in the middle order for Ravindra and Mitchell, the country’s most talented young cricketer and number one-ranked all-format player respectively.
At this point of his career, No 7 is as high as Phillips should bat. That leaves one more space, but the perceptive among you would have recognised that if Young was to take No 6 (or No 4 or 5 and drop Ravindra and/ or Mitchell a spot) that would leave the team without a wicketkeeper.
Blundell is horribly out of form with the bat, but giving the gloves to Latham and Conway isn’t an obvious answer because a) opening the batting and keeping in tests is a huge ask and b) while Latham at least is a proficient keeper, it’s still questionable as to whether he’s test class.
You could leave Blundell in and drop him to No 8, or bring Mitch Hay in and give him a soft landing at the same spot, but that would mean that you’d be playing with three specialist bowlers, Phillips and Ravindra would be your spin-bowling options, while Mitchell played the role of fourth seamer.
There are options, there might be others too, but none appeal as elegant solutions.
***
Premiums on my Expectation Insurance policies will skyrocket after this tour. For those of you who don’t have any, it’s a product you buy to keep your hopes super low. That way, when the worst does happen, you comfort yourself with the fact that you “knew” it was coming.
When I headed off to Vietnam ahead of the first test my policy explicitly stated that: “It doesn’t matter because the Black Caps will get rolled in Bengaluru.”
That was more an off-the-shelf type of insurance, but I had to order some bespoke policies for the second and third tests.
As the team awaited the inevitable ‘correction’ in Pune, it stated: “Oh well, at least we’ll always have Bengaluru.”
The third test policy was a little more expensive because it came with an exclamation mark, but it was worth it: “Don’t worry about the monstering they’ll get in Mumbai because the series is already won!”
I even found myself parroting such stuff in public. Deep down, in those recesses of optimism I try hard to temper, I thought anything above 150 would be a tricky chase on that Wankhede wicket, and yet when a neighbour yesterday stopped me for a chat while I was out on my daily constitutional, I said without hesitation that I thought India would chase it down.
Note to self ahead of England series: Cancel your policy, relax and let it play out; nothing you ‘feel’ about it has any material effect on the outcome.
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I guess we should mention the fact that qualifying for the World Test Championship final is back on the table.
Here are Cricinfo’s scenarios, which are heavily skewed towards what India has to do to qualify. With the subcontinent giants heading to Australia for a five-match series, you’d have to say that in current form they are now a long shot to maintain their 58.33% and with it, second place on the table.
If they lose, and New Zealand beats England at home, that is helpful, but for me the front runner is the suddenly red-hot South Africa, who have two home series against Sri Lanka and Pakistan to complete their cycle.
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Finally, has anybody considered the possibility that Mike Sandle is not an earthbound entity?
Without wanting to start wild, unsubstantiated rumours, is there any photographic evidence that the New Zealand manager bleeds when he is cut?
Consider this: ‘Roman’ Sandle was Black Caps manager as they rose from ignominy to world champions, and is widely credited for helping instil the culture of selflessness among the Golden Generation that hasn’t always been part of cricket changing rooms.
Like the Littlest Hobo, sensing a greater need he disappeared one day and ended up at Taranaki Rugby as chief executive, where they promptly won the NPC and followed that up with the Ranfurly Shield a few months ago.
All of a sudden he is back in the Black Caps’ changing room and is understood to have been quietly levitating in the corner while his boys achieved a logic-defying victory.
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The otherworldly scenes at Mumbai, knocked a gritty All Blacks performance off the lead.
The Guardian’s Robert Kitson described the Hillary Shield encounter as a “flawed classic” and while it was certainly absorbing, in this case the adjective is far more accurate than the noun. Even describing yesterday’s 24-22 All Black win at Twickenham as absorbing seems fraught. This was a hard match to pigeonhole, given that for large periods it seemed England were likely to win off the back of their opposition’s errors and indiscipline.
They probably would have if they hadn’t made a conscious decision to shut the game down when leading by eight. Hindsight has spoken and it says that it was a mistake. While the conventional wisdom says you don’t want to get into a contest with the All Blacks where the ball is swinging from side to side in long, unbroken passages of play, when those moments did occur, England usually benefited due to excellent defence and opposition mistakes.
Moving the game from set piece to set piece would normally be the sound thing for England to do, but it in fact allowed the visitors to gain a semblance of control, particularly when the All Blacks’ bench scrum proved much stronger.
Still, despite the three tries to one imbalance, it took some outrageous fortune for New Zealand to win after Mark Tele’a’s brilliant solo effort and Damian McKenzie’s nerveless sideline conversion restored their lead.
Relying on kickers to miss very makeable shots from tee or turf is not a sustainable strategy.
On that subject, there was one moment at Twickenham that reminded me that rugby still has such a long way to go in terms of making it a palatable entertainment product for casual viewers.
It wasn’t a beautiful test — the aforementioned errors and indiscipline put paid to that notion — but it was thunderous and intense until, in the 76th minute, it just stopped for five minutes.
Yes, the test was simmering nicely towards a red-hot conclusion when the action was shut down for an eternity as the officials tried to work out what had gone on with Anton Lienert-Brown and his twin offences. It was a ludicrous situation although, if you’re partisan, you might point to it contributing to George Ford’s eventual miss.
Can you imagine the NRL pushing pause for that long at such a critical juncture?
We saw the huge benefits of video technology in sport when Beauden Barrett’s breakout try was rightly called back for Caleb Clarke’s obvious knock on, but the sport still needs to do a far better job of streamlining its processes.
***
I really hate this headline — “New Zealand find a way after England make some dents in tourists’ aura” — for reasons I will attempt to articulate, though I have to say that the piece beneath the header is balanced and inoffensive.
Most of us are in agreement, as is the writer Michael Aylwin (another Guardian writer described this as the worst All Black side he’d ever laid eyes upon), that this is not a great All Blacks side and very much a work in progress.
Isn’t the stronger argument, therefore, that it is this “aura” that is the key difference-maker in the All Blacks’ kit bag? Rather than being dented, the fact they still win when far from their best augments this nebulous concept.
The English press pack, without a hint of irony, tend to view New Zealand journalists as fans with keyboards, so at the risk of attracting more slings and arrows, I don’t think the All Blacks get anywhere near enough credit for what they have historically done on northern tours. Their record is astonishing, particularly since the advent of professionalism when these trips arrive at the end of a long and brutal season.
By rights, the richly resourced France and England should start every November test at even money at worst in front of febrile home crowds, and you’d expect Scotland and Wales (probably not Italy) to nick the odd one here and there.
Year after year, however, the All Blacks fly north and almost always return with the chocolates.
Since the start of the professional era, the All Blacks have played 64 November tests against the Six Nations’ countries and have conjured up an 86 percent winning record (nine percent losing).
I don’t know if that’s aura, but it’s pretty damned impressive.
Will it help them against Ireland in Dublin this weekend? The men in green seemed to have worked out better than most that the All Blacks are flesh and blood, having won the last two tests against them in Dublin.
Losing Beauden Barrett and Codie Taylor to concussion does not help Robertson’s cause.
First-five Harry Plummer and hooker Brodie McAlister have been called into the All Blacks camp, with veterans Beauden Barrett and Codie Taylor ruled out of next week’s test against Ireland under concussion protocols.
Both Barrett and Taylor failed head injury assessments during the win over England, and must now stand down a week as part of their recovery, leaving the team short in key positions.
…“Codie's a world class hooker, in the best two to three in the world, and in such good form,” Robertson said. “Beauden slotted straight in and was conducting the game pretty well, so we’ll miss him.”
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In the Sunday Times, Stephen Jones ($) was close to gracious after suffering another personal defeat.
This was one of the most agonising defeats that England can ever have suffered, they took it to the All Blacks as if possessed, and while they never completely shook them out of their stride they made heavy impacts with their tackling, with their passion and ultimately were distinctly unfortunate in what was for them a ghastly finale…
This will be a massive win for New Zealand, because not even the most biassed Kiwi (and statistics show there are well over three million of them) would call this team a great one. But from Wallace Sititi and Ardie Savea up front to the elegant Mark Telea on the wing, they had cutting edges which were sharper than England’s.
These paragraphs were followed by more haka tedium, but I’m not going there again.
Look out for a midweek newsletter , as there are several topics that continue to ripen nicely, including another incident-packed grand prix featuring ninth-placed Liam Lawson.
In the meantime, here’s Eric Thompson on David Dicker, the money man behind Lawson’s rapid rise.
“The problem, especially in New Zealand, is the money — it’s so expensive. I could be wrong but F4 costs about $820,000, GB3 is about $900,000 or so, F3 $2.8 million and F2 anything around $4.5m-plus,” Dicker said.
“There’s a very limited amount of people who can stump up that sort of money that you’re not going to get back. There is prize money if you win a championship, but that goes to the team. With Liam, I decided to help them with some of the money to get him into the F2 seat, as they were struggling to get the amount together.”
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Chris Wood scored again, while Auckland FC claimed bragging rights in the first all-EnZed A-League derby.
A mate went along to the Cake Tin and was suitably smitten by the day.
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The league test between the Kiwis and Tonga at Mt Smart was cracking good fun or had a grandstand finish. I’m waiting to hear what Leaguie Pete thought of it because even as compelling as that final half hour was, I can’t get out of my head how unconscionably bad the home side was in the first half.
Still, you couldn’t help but feel stoked for Tonga and their passionate supporters when Isaiya Katoa’s snatched field goal split the posts.
The Kiwi Ferns won big against Papua New Guinea in Port Moresby, at least.
Quick suggestion re getting Will Young in the XI. I understand that wicket keeping at test level and playing as a specialist batter doesn't work (Lathan, Sangakarra etc). But looking at Blundell out of form can you tell me why shouldn't, between the three of them - Latham, Conway and Phillips (and if injury, Michael Bracewell too) they keep a session at a time or an hour and switch at drinks. Is it not worth getting creative to ensure we have our strongest lineup out there? They might not be the most top class out and out keepers in test match standards, but they can be near enough for an hour or two at a time and conserve energy to bat too.
Just a thought that would also have us pushing the innovation factor in test cricket, Rassie Stead has a ring to it.
Been looking forward to this email since 8:35 last night. I still can’t believe it. We outplayed them as a collective three times. Three times! A friend sent me a message this morning saying he believed it was a fraction behind Rome 1960 Snell and Halberg golds in great NZ sporting achievements. I don’t know if that’s right or not (he was alive for both) but it doesn’t sound hyperbolic.
Expectations insurance premiums - I like that a lot. I may burn mine and just take it as it comes.