Close to home
Global search for NZR leader ends <5 metres from where it started, PLUS: The Foxcroft fetish and other selections oddities.
When a “global search” for the chief executive to take New Zealand Rugby into the next phase of its commercial evolution ends, literally, down the hallway, it comes across as scripted.
Not in a fairytale way, more a mockumentary.
(scene)
As the camera pans around a featureless boardroom it suddenly stops while poised above a featureless board table filled with faceless board members. The single ray of light bursts through a crack in the venetian blinds and captures the twinkling blue eyes of its leader.
“What we need,” says Kirky, with a tone that is a mix of gravitas and B-flat minor, “is a leader who combines the commercial acumen of Tim Cook with the empathy of Satya Nadella, the risk-taking of Elon, the glass-ceiling shattering of Whatshername and the ability skol a jug like peak Pinetree.”
“Could be a tough ask, Boss,” says a faceless, shadowy board member.
“I have one or two people in mind,” says Kirky, gazing into a mirror. “In the meantime can someone pop their head into Stevo’s office and get him to place an Uber Eats order for us… what do we feel like, Sal’s?”
(end scene)
The only problem with making this show, which I’m convinced would be a smash hit, is we know how it ends. Stevo, fresh off ordering the half-and-half cheese and pepperoni with a side order of garlic knots, ends up winning the job and NZR, so grey and bureaucratic just a few months ago, is transformed into a corporate Disneyland.
Or something like that.
