'It’s kind of torture to have to watch the show’
It’s time to put on music, it’s time to light the lights…
One of the seminal albums of my youth was “The Muppet Show”, and of particular delight was the ability of Waldorf and Statler to spin on a dime and switch from thinking everything was wonderful to terrible, or vice versa, in a matter of seconds, which feels suitably emblematic of where we are in relation to the flagship team of our national sport.
Today, New Zealand Rugby announced the retention of Ian Foster as head coach through to the 2023 World Cup, something that seemed utterly improbable five days ago. Feeling a little like Waldorf myself, I needed someone to make sense of it all. I created a document and shared it with Statler (Scotty Stevenson). This is what you get. Bravo!
For clarity, Waldorf is in bold.
Remember that time when the worst thing you could say about New Zealand Rugby was they were boring?
After the last month I’ve been pining for those days. Things were so much simpler then. Now it’s an endless debrief.
Yes, debrief, we must never mention the word “review” again. I mentioned in my last post that I would be “staggered” if Foster remained - colour me staggered then. How about you?
Not staggered, because conservatism underpins everything this organisation does. I was staggered at the jocularity on display at today’s announcement, though. It was incredible. Like a shrug of the shoulders with a Looney Toons, “That’s All Folks!”
I’m sure it was you who said just a couple of weeks ago that 80 minutes had the potential to change the complexion of the situation…
Yes, I did, I’ll take that, but once NZR made a point of saying that a decision wouldn’t be made until people were back home with their families, Foster’s position seemed untenable and, I hate to be a doomsayer, but I still think it is to a degree. You tell me what you think the public reaction will be if a) NZ loses the Bledisloe, and/ or b) go to Europe and get turned inside out by Eddie Jones or, heaven forbid, Wayne Pivac?
What an awful scenario that would be! I don’t know if the public will ever be overwhelmingly in favour of Ian Foster as a coach, and there’s nothing he can do about that, but if that post-apocalyptic vision comes to fruition then I ask this: how many of the people in the organisation who have backed their man - players, management, board - are going to fall on their swords?
That’s a rhetorical question, of course.
I think Mark Robinson’s comments today on that train wreck of a press conference on Sunday were telling, and not in the way he thought. We could have all done without the damned if we don’t, damned if we do caveat. It was, to paraphrase, “Yeah, we could do better but at the end of the day it’s your fault too.” Weird, but standard MO.
I’m glad you mentioned caveats and “cannot wins”. I can’t help but think this whole scenario would have been a lot cleaner if they’d acted on the poor reviews that followed the end-of-year tour when, if you need reminding, the All Blacks had their arses handed to them by Ireland and France. Is it fair to say that Foster and his men played to the lack of high-performance knowledge on the NZR board when they successfully pushed the narrative that they couldn’t be judged on a tour scarred by Covid and bubble life?
Couldn’t agree more. And this is why the fanbase is jaded by all that has happened. A review - sorry, “debrief” - after November suggested there was full faith. A “debrief” after July saw two men lose their jobs. A “debrief” after South Africa finishes with the “he’s our man, and that’s that” conclusion. Mind you, that leads us to the biggest news today, which is the elevation of Joe Schmidt - or as I like to refer to it, the Schmidt and Polish.
Yes, very good, I can’t pay you enough for that sort of magic. Brass tacks here: as a concept I like the Robertson, Ryan and McDonald trilogy more, but on the surface, Foster, Ryan and Schmidt has a lot going for it, doesn’t it?
Well, we now have Foster, Ryan, McLeod, Strawbridge, Feek and Schmidt, so it’s a sizeable team. Let’s not beat around the bush. The players love Joe Schmidt. Hell, I love Joe Schmidt.
I dare say he was always going to have a wider role than ‘selector’ and I am actually very glad to see him have expanded power to help the team. However, it is reflective of a certain narrative that has permeated NZR for longer than many think: that they fear the northern hemisphere teams in a way they never used to.
That’s an interesting point, but I want to stretch the Foster analysis to breaking point. I covered the Chiefs in the last year of his reign. He always struck me as an amiable and fair-minded bloke who the players seemed to like, but there were certainly questions around his head coaching ability (exacerbated when Dave Rennie came in and immediately started winning titles). More than a decade later there are still questions about Foster’s head coaching credentials but we’ve also seen that he still has the confidence of key players. This is a really clumsy way of me trying to think out loud as to how much weight we should put on player testimonials?
This is a fascinating area to explore. I wasn’t surprised to see the players come out in support of Foster. A siege mentality has built within that team and that’s not necessarily bad. My understanding of that Chiefs era was that a handful of players really controlled the changing room. I don’t see it being much different in this All Blacks environment. I would say I am always wary of player testimony. Players don’t do futures; they only do the present. That’s very natural when professional sporting careers are acutely finite. How much of that is for show I can’t say, but at risk of claiming a tail wagging the dog situation, I’ll suffice to say that backing your current coach is, in this situation, not a bad choice.
On the other side of the coin the Herald had a photo of Scott Robertson riding his bicycle around Sumner this morning, a moment so mundane and yet freighted with ‘On ya bike’ symbolism…
But also, ‘Look Ma, no hands!’
One of the wildest moments of today’s press conference was how quickly Mark Robinson shut down any mention of Scott Robertson. That was coupled with a straight denial that Robertson had ever been on standby to step into the head coach role. I think there is more to that story than meets the eye, but if Robinson insists - as he seemed to today - that no conversation with Robertson took place regarding coaching the All Blacks then so be it. I’d love that claim to be ratified by the aforementioned Robertson.
Yeah, well, obviously, because it’s not like we haven’t had enough Palace intrigue yet. Talking of the world of courtiers and press secretaries, what have you made of NZR’s wider comms strategy? You never asked, but I’ll tell you what I think - it’s been “suboptimal”.
It is an organisation that has long decided that the adversarial option is the only option. Access to the All Blacks has long been weaponised, and that simply has to change. The constant conflation of social media and THE media also needs to stop. There is a big difference between those of us operating under media law and @BoZOtAp185 on a Wild West Twitter post. There was a lot of talk about “high performance” today. NZR needs to look at certain strategies in the communications space and just be better.
I feel like I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time writing about and speculating on Foster and the All Blacks over the past month. The rugby has almost seemed secondary but that was a good win on Sunday morning. I was up at 3am two weeks in a row and I know you were too. After a few false starts in recent years, I feel “immersed” again in the national sport.
So… um… rugby was the winner?!
Tell that to an NPC team.
Ha ha, shall we save that conversation for a McLeod’s 802 and a cheeseboard?
I thought you’d never ask.
THIS WEEK
You may have noticed this week has gone off-piste from what was advertised and this was not in fact the cricket-focused newsletter for paying subscribers. That will arrive in your inboxes at the conclusion of the 1st ODI against the West Indies tomorrow and will include The BYC and a detailed review of Ross Taylor’s headline-grabbing book Black & White.
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I thought Ardie Savea’s supportive comments of Coach Foster were interesting, on a Secret Life of Pronouns level (that’s a book very worth reading). He said things like “We back our coach” (it would be crazy if the players didn’t say that publicly), and “Thats my coach.” He said these words with a smile, and with well-mustered enthusiasm, but the words themselves were unremarkable. They were not the words that a Crusaders player, for example, might use to praise Robertson. If asked, I bet they’d pour the praise on him like melted butter. They wouldn’t be using words like, “We stand with him side by side.” Ardie did a great job of selling that, though, as he should. It’s his job.
Fossie must be feeling quite chuffed with himself - and good on him, he's been through the wringer. Regardless of whether you think he's the right man for the job, he comes out of this with his mana enhanced. I wonder how much of the decision was based on having the best chance to win the World Cup and how much was weighed on self-preservation of the CEO/Board. More of the later I suspect; if they had dumped him then the target would swiftly have moved to them asking why they weren't falling on their swords? Where does this leave us if we drop a match against Argentina?