Judgement Day: Parker is back
Plus: Joe Root's balls examined, Covid refuses to loosen its grip and various other heartwarming tales.
What a brutal fight.
If you want an example of why boxing continues to astound and horrify long into an era when safer pursuits, like cycling without a helmet and the shoulder charge in rugby, have been outlawed, put Joseph Parker’s win over Dereck Chisora on a loop.
It will reach into the most primal parts of your medulla and lodge there.
Some of the punches, particularly Parker’s right-hand upper cuts, were described as “spiteful” by observers. It sounds grotesque, but this is exactly what aficionados have been longing to see from the 29 year old who is frequently marked down for being too nice for pro boxing, despite a 30-2 record that compares with the best.
The South Auckland puncher, now under the tutelage of Irishman Andy Lee, looked as sharp as he has in years, perhaps ever, and Chisora displayed heart that was beautiful and gut-wrenching all at once as he recovered from three knock downs.
(Chisora’s corner probably should have called it after the eighth but the guy was fighting for pride by then so they probably figured why take that away from him.)
On the strength of three fights, Oleksandr Usyk v Anthony Joshua, Tyson Fury’s epic match against Deontay Wilder and this one, the heavyweight division looks like it is in the best shape it has been in years, yet boxing refuses to get out of its own way.
All three of the judges undersold Parker’s dominance, with two scoring it 115-111 and 115-110. If that wasn’t outrageous enough, Michael Alexander’s card read 114-112, meaning he thought Chisora won the fight were it not for Parker’s knock downs.
How can you have any faith in a sport when you have supposed neutral arbiters sitting ringside closing their eyes to what the rest of the world can see?
Former world champion Carl Frampton, sitting ringside, had this pithy thought: “The right guy got his hand raised but I don’t know what [the judge’s are] watching. It’s the same old stuff.”
Frampton also observed that Parker could be “a handful for anyone” in the division, but didn’t see him getting a fight against one of the top three - Fury, Usyk or a rematch with Joshua - anytime soon.
And that is the million-dollar question: in what direction do Parker’s brains trust of Eddie Hearn, David Higgins and Lee steer the fighter in?
Hearn, who is on a fight-by-fight deal as Parker’s promoter, gave an indication as to what he’d like to see happen in his post-fight interview.
“There is a queue, but he’s positioned himself really well. Maybe a final eliminator against [Croatian] Filip Hrgovic with the IBF. The career is alive and kicking for Joseph Parker. This was a brilliant way to end 2021.”
Higgins, Parker’s manager, said they would let the dust settle for a week before planning a fight for March or April.
“We’ll do some risk-and-reward modelling but Hrgovic has some merit; Joe Joyce the number one WBO contender has some merit,” he said.
As for the 37-year-old Chisora, he’s a jewel of the sport.
But hopefully one that knows when to walk away before they lose their sheen.
Before we leave Parker to nurse his welts and prepare for his next fight, here’s a timely reminder of Patrick McKendry’s excellent feature on his “ill-advised” bond with the boxer.
NEW YEAR, SIMILAR ENEMY
Covid’s not done with sport. Not by a long shot.
As the Omicron variant spreads around the world - the UK last week had 93,000 positive cases in a day - it casts doubts over whether the globe’s professional sports leagues are viable as we know it in 2022.
There is already talk that Bangladesh are keen on the prospect of hopping back on a plane to Dhaka should there be any further disruption to their preparations for the first test at Bay Oval, so already it seems that the new year will have a big hangover from the old year.
ASHES TO ASHES, NUTS TO DUST
If you want a metaphor for the state of England’s pitiful Ashes campaign, look no further than this video, taken one ball after captain Joe Root took a 140kp/h delivery flush in the groin.
He was out four balls later.
As Paul Weller of The Jam sang in the aptly titled That's Entertainment, “Lights going out and a kick in the balls.”
THE YEAR IN REARVIEW
’Tis the season to write yearenders, a longstanding journalism tradition that placates and frustrates in equal measure. They’re like a Linkin Park tribute band, something you didn’t realise you needed until you realised you definitely didn’t need it.
Yearenders are placating because they give editors content at a time of year when the news slows down as dramatically as the traffic does getting out of Auckland, which of course becomes one of the big news stories of December, and the newsrooms are thinned out as staff take to the motorways to escape writing stories about gridlocked motorways.
The yearender is frustrating because, well, they’re invariably rehashes of stuff you’ve already seen, quasi-awards or compilations such as “memorable things sports people said in 2021”.
Still, when they’re done well, they’re a valid and sometimes even entertaining form of journalism, like Simon Day’s heartwarming essay on 2021 being the best year ever to be a fan of the Black Caps.
“By about 2am NZT we were left with 140 runs to win the first ever World Test Championship. There could not have been a more fitting way for victory to be sealed than Ross Taylor whipping a ball to square leg with Kane Williamson at the other end. The image of the two batsmen walking off the field together should be turned into a bronze statue that greets you at the gates of the Basin Reserve. It should be tattooed on the flesh of those lucky New Zealand fans who shared that special day with the team in Southampton. It’s the perfect opportunity to bring back commemorative memorabilia sold during TV coverage of the 2021-22 season.
“The first thing I did was call my grandma. When I think about that day it still brings a huge smile to my face... The championship released the pain of the 2019 CWC final. It was the payoff for the days spent under the pohutukawa trees at the Basin Reserve, the hours spent watching World Cups in dysfunctional time zones, the pilgrimages to Lord’s and India, the thousands of dollars I’ve spent on vintage New Zealand ODI cricket shirts.”
Far less movingly and without uplift to grasp on to, I wrote a companion piece that stated that 2021 was not such a good year to be an All Blacks fan.
“For those of us who have heard or read stories of rugby’s impending demise many times in the past, we’ll need more convincing. The very fact that rugby remains attractive to private equity giants like CVC and Silver Lake indicates that they see massive potential for growth in the sport.
“As broad strategies go, perhaps NZR sees its primary role as fighting for prime position within this growth and then dragging the casual and disengaged fans back in for the ride.
“Perhaps this mini-era of rugby will come to be viewed as a mid-pandemic anomaly, or even as an opportunity for rugby to reset for a digital future.
“Taken in isolation, however, 2021 will go down as one of the All Blacks’ – and by extension the sport’s – more forgettable years.”
PIC OF THE WEEKEND
I already fear for the sanity of Charlie Woods, son of Tiger, as he makes his first foray into the world of unrealistic expectations… sorry, golf. They finished second in the 36-hole tournament behind John Daly and John Daly II.
I’ve included this photo too, for no other reason in that it is strikingly pretty.
UPCOMING (& A SMALL APOLOGY)
“Wow,” I thought as I glanced over the stats from one of last week’s newsletters, “either everyone hates F1, or they’re just not in the mood for reading this time of year.”
Both of those things might have a ring of truth, but what is indisputable is that the vast majority of you did not receive it via email as you’re meant to. I’m not quite sure what happened there but I can guarantee it was a case of operator error.
The aim is to pop one more of these out, probably on the 23rd, and at least one between the Boxing Day and New Year’s stats.
The 23rd will contain a book review as somebody recently loaned me a copy of You Gotta Have Wa. OMG, how have I never heard of this book until now? It’s fantastic.
Thanks again for your support over the first few months of The Bounce’s life. It’s been incredibly gratifying and just click the button below if you’re in the market for a last-minute Xmas gift to yourself or a loved one.
Nice one Dylan. Do you know of any decent highlights packages of the boxing available to watch?
Congrats on the newsletter by the way, it's one of my must reads every week or few days when it comes out.
Merry Christmas and I hope you enjoy a relaxing break.
Cheers
Nick