Living on the Razor's edge
The Week That Was, The Weekend That Will Be and the following Week That Could Be
Scott Robertson said he hoped to hear something in the next few days. That something was either whether he would be the next All Black coach or what the final process would be to determine the next All Blacks coach. It was a little difficult to determine exactly.
New Zealand Rugby said nothing would be decided in the next few days.
That’s it. That was the story.
Except it wasn’t, obviously.
It was a hammer. It was a cudgel.
If you’re in the Robertson camp it was…
TYPICAL NZR INCOMPETENCE!
If you were in the NZR/ anti-Razor camp it was…
TYPICAL (and potentially disqualifying) IMPETUOUSNESS!
If you’re in the Foster camp it was…
AN UNNECESSARY DISTRACTION!
If you were in the Jamie Joseph (Tony Brown) camp it was…
AN AMUSING DIVERSION 🤣🤣
If the “process” to determine the next All Blacks coach - which has stretched back to the weeks before this August 24, 2021, story headlined “Ian Foster signs new deal with All Blacks after tense standoff” - was a farm animal, the vet would have injected it with a syringe of pentobarbital by now.
As Stuff’s Marc Hinton, who makes no secret of the fact he’s a Razorite, writes, just do it already.
Despite the grumblings of some, who wonder about the unsettling effect an early appointment would have on Foster’s All Blacks, and others suggesting Jamie Joseph’s is a bid worth perusal, the decision on the next national coach is something that simply cannot wait until the wake of this year’s World Cup…
Top clubs and leading national unions with vacancies are already hammering out their options for 2024 and beyond. These appointments require time to assemble support teams, to ensure availability of preferred candidates and to create certainty for those that are in the mix for these jobs.
To expect one union to play by a timetable that no one else is adhering to is, well, quite possibly the definition of insanity.
I don’t know if “insanity” is the word I’d use.
Interminable, maybe?
THE WEEK THAT WAS
More from the Eddie Jones files and more evidence for my theory that the demanding Jones is a perfect short-term fix coach and a long-term drain on everybody and everything around him. England wing Max Malins revealed he went to Mykonos (a Greek Island named after one of the all-time great indie-folk-prog-rock songs) to drink for a bit because Jones dropped him for having poor body language.
“That was the reason given. I didn’t understand it and was taken aback by it… I’m quite a relaxed guy, not necessarily buzzing around the place all the time. Maybe my relaxed nature put a thought in his head,” Malins said.
The Six Nations is only two rounds in and potentially we have the decider already.
Ireland v France, Dublin, Sunday 3.15am, Sky Sport 2
As previously discussed, the very idea of the Saudi Arabian regime sponsoring the Fifa World Cup this year is wrong on so many levels, or just plain old “bizarre” in the words of US superstar Alex Morgan.
THE WEEKEND THAT WILL BE
Some things on the box I’ll be trying to check out… probably.
Three fascinating little subplots emerged from the opening day of the India v Australia test series:
What was Ravi Jadeja (5-47) putting on his fingers before bowling?;
Travis Head was dropped after posting the following scores during his home test summer - 99, 175, 38*, 92, 0, 51, 70;
Matthew Hayden is one of my least favourite commentators but it was interesting listening to his subtle barbs about Pat Cummins’ performance (actually, there was nothing subtle about it). Hayden is Justin Langer’s bestie and Cummins is seen as the major reason he is no longer Australian coach.
India v Australia, 1st test, Nagpur, today-Monday 5pm, Sky Sport 3
The Super Smash concludes with a repeat final in the men, while Wellington will be seeking their eighth title and fifth in six years when they take on Canterbury. If you’re wondering how Canterbury get home-ground advantage despite Wellington dominating the season, it’s because the second-ranked women’s team (Otago in this case) hosts both the women’s and men’s elimination finals, and the top-ranked men’s team hosts both the grand finals - a logistics exercise to ensure broadcast crew and relevant officials are at the same ground on the same day.
Canterbury v Wellington, Christchurch, 2pm tomorrow, Spark Sport
Canterbury v ND, Christchurch, 6.30pm tomorrow, Spark Sport
The White Ferns World T20 campaign gets off to the most difficult start possible when they take on defending champions Australia in their opener. With the top two teams from each pool advancing to the semis, the Ferns second match against hosts South Africa on Tuesday is perhaps more pivotal to their playoff prospects.
Australia v NZ, Paarl, Sunday 6am, Sky Sport 1
It’s not quite the weekend and, for us in the north, it might be right in the eye of the storm, but Super Bowl LVII is a great diversion from reality. It is the first time the Super Bowl will see a match-up between two black quarterbacks and when you read this piece by NPR, you’ll understand why that’s important.
Almost as importantly, Rihanna has a tough job following last year’s halftime act, which makes No4 of this really-quite-good list of top 10 halftime shows, though I would have had last year’s extravaganza at least one place higher. They got the No1 right, though.
Philadelphia Eagles v Kansas City Chiefs, Glendale, Monday 12.30pm, Spark Sport/ ESPN
Is Erling Haaland “the most brilliant, successful flop in football history”? Plenty of people would now like it to be true but regardless of what might happen to Citeh in the future, for now the Haaland paradox appears to ring true: the club has got considerably worse since signing the best striker in the world.
Manchester City v Aston Villa, Etihad Stadium, Monday 5.30am, Sky Sport EPL
My cousin thinks the Australian NBL is the second-best basketball tournament in the world (March Madness and the Euroleague would like a word) and reckons I’d get more subscribers if I did more on the Breakers, who I admit to having lost interest in under current ownership. It’s the playoffs though, so fair play to them.
NZ Breakers v Tasmania, Auckland, Sunday 6pm, Sky Sport 1
NEXT WEEK
One of the aims of The Bounce is to greet you at the start of the working week with a newsletter covering the most interesting stories and happenings of the sporting weekend. If the weather modelling is accurate I can’t guarantee that will happen on Monday. Our house proved to be slightly porous in the last downpour so I may have other things to hand, so apologies in advance.
Unless calamity intervenes, I’m still travelling to the Mount for the first test between New Zealand and England, where I intend to try out the Substack chat tool. To join the chat, you’ll need to download the app (above). It’s super easy - and free.
Thanks for the note Ash, do you mind if I reference some of it in today's newsletter?
Re the coaching saga someone should send Fozzie Phil Jackson’s memoir - 11 Rings - focus on the chapters about the 98 Bulls - eternalised as The Last Dance on Netflix - they were a team written off (even though they had the best player) and an owner who backed management i.e the CEO. For me that win (can still see MJ hitting the game winner in Utah in G6) epitomised what can be done as they worked through a season like no other. Obviously the Bulls were never that good again (to date) but the ability to focus is instructional. Personally don’t have a dog in the fight (so to speak) but hopeful that the noise that will percolate all year no matter what/when a choice is made can be shut out by the players and coaches who go to both Bledisloe and RWC - achieve in these circumstances would be a big tick in our mindset as professional’s. Keep up the great work Dylan